Am i just a Loner afterall?

2009-03-07T01:33:00.000-08:00

today finally post. sorry reader i cahngeed my links LOL anyway, quite a pleasant day though kinda upset cos, airen is having her 1st month but not with me, with durian her rl stead, my rl buddy. how i wish it was me but it nvr gonna happen, she love him alot.
anyway, i dunnoe when i develop this feeling for u but i just wanna let u know how much i wished for u. but i know u aint ready yet. so i will wait while by ur side. yujing i just wanna tell u i love u ! <3
kinda sad over it been over between us though we are gans, he is the one u need i guess, i dunnoe how to explain but the pain inside me is nvr gonna heal, my wound my pain my sorrow is somethign u can never see or heal it.
i lost ur healing touch but i think i am used to it already becos i am alway been treated lydis. LAST LONG WITH HIM ~

Labels:
i am having a grass made ring but i dunnoe should i gif it to who. u make me lose my mind
Siigniing off
takecare
The One Been Unl0ved all the while
ForSaken

2009-02-09T20:48:00.000-08:00

剩下我們坐在岸邊看著她越走越遠
白色星星迎著海面沙灘好遠
而他的心去了哪裡我們都無能為力
是誰的手能牽他回來
DOES SHE KNOW? DONT THINK SO
愛上了同一個遺憾恍然明白那時候為何要對彼此為難
TELL ME SHE KNOWS I DONT THINK SO
我們都不屬於她的愛不能重來的傷害
我們都學會了釋懷
兩個朋友一個最愛
不可能有的未來
只是結局卻讓我們如此意外 YEAH~
她的決定終於坦白開了玩笑的安排
怪誰的錯我們都失敗
DOES SHE KNOW? DONT THINK SO
愛上了同一個遺憾恍然明白那時候
為何要對彼此為難
TELL ME SHE KNOWS I DONT THINK SO
我們都不屬於她的愛不能重來的傷害
而我們學會了釋懷

对昨天你跟他给我的东西，我真的铁近谷底。没有办法不伤心。
为了你，我做了好多傻事。你知道不知道也好，我只想让你知道我真得很爱你。你已慢慢离开，我也没话讲了。你不属于我，我们也只是陌生人而已。
我只能默默地承受着爱着你的悲痛。我会流泪和放弃你是因为我真得太爱你。
labels:
i dunnoe how its was for me to go through this hardship again T_T
IT NEVER MEANT TO BE FOR US, IT NEVER WAS AND NEVER WILL !
Lost FOrever, Thank for once giving me false hope till 14 feb.

Siigniing off
Takecare
Going through heartaches again and again
the one and Truly 没人爱
ForSaken~

2009-02-08T09:15:00.000-08:00

A big NEWS to celebrate. today is my birthday, it past 12 and i officially 17 LOL ! a happy and yet at same time, sad-ded birthday to me, cos my wish did not come true. ppl wish and hope for me that it will, but i guess and i know it will nvr come true ~
thank to those who console me i appreciated it but, wat i want most, is nvr coming to me. we are just passerby. let hope i can get wat i wish on 14 feb cos that day i will be waiting for an reply. that day i gonna make it memorable if i can and got the permission to.
Let hope. anyway happy birthday to myself ~ i love my close 17 <33
Early birthday wishes to :
jamie nuren (which is tmr) day after mine
darren/valentine (val day)

Labels:
i be waiiting for u <3>

Siigniing off
TakeCare
All Alone on Bdae / Val s' Day Every yr
ForSaken

2009-02-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

well, thought it was a new beginning between me and u, but its seemed it nvr happen, my legacy continued as alway, been the one been left behind, been the one and truly forsaken !
nvr had been in this way in months and yrs, now u destroy everything haiix, i guess it nvr meant to be, it only meant to be me being left alone.
i guess that might be the best for u but not me. hope u and him can alway be tgt. i bless u. loving u = not having u but if can have both it will be great.
no matter awt i do, it nvr seemed enough for u, it just seemed, a sentence from him, so, i bwg ~ Doing fooolish thing all along but i guess u did not even know. the fact of my wish this yr was to spent my bdae with u but i guess it nvr gonna happen. u already "belong" to him. he owns u now and not me. there is like nth i can say anymore.
just be foolish and stupid to believe in love again. i was nvr supposed to be born and live on this place, it nvr meant for me and it will NVR ! + it time is running out, dun wish to just dragged on, let time move and pass by me, and when my time come, forget about me, help me leave behind some, reasons to be missed. hope u would keep me in ur memories but i doubt so.
i nvr was and nvr will be apart of u but a part from u. this ending is just the way it was for me when i was born.
The 1 And Truly ForSaken~
i am just 1 who is mei ren yao/ai disowned/ forsaked/ thrown away after used/ or simply a Toy for ppl to toy around my feelings and fool around, pushes around when they are in anger. pass me to other after finish using me. Never Was i Treasure Nor Love by anyone.
If u are reading this, i know wat u gonna say but, it aint gonna encourage me to move on, becos I Had LOST my wills and everything that is worth fighting on and for in my life. u gave me up, and now, my turn to give myself up practically its the same.
Guess i will be alone for this year again and it nvr changes be it my bdae, valentine day or een other normall days. IT GONE AND IT NEVER WILL COME.

Label:
cried for u, slit for u, even tried stopping u from more hurts but
I WAS THE ONE HURTED IN THE END.
Siigniing off
Takecare
The One Beeen Shattered and Tornapart
ForSaken~

2009-02-01T07:49:00.000-08:00

thought it would be a better after every day, but saw ur msn nick. i really broke down. seeing the fact u went away from me further and further, i cant accept it. be it wat happen in the past i dun care or mind le, right now, u belong to my future but end up? haiix, dun think i am worthy that y u some sort choosen another guy. Haiix ! be the fact we were so close but yet distances away. nvr thought the outcome will be it this way.
Hope u were feeling better from ur illness, take care? enjoy urself while u can, but i cant enjoy any much longer cos i lost my everything ~
How can it be easy to forget you when I think about you all the time? I never know how I miss you when I never had you, you were never mine
I move on, but I can't go on without you Said I try, don't know why, what to do without you Can't move on, can't move on
I guess u Nvr Meant TO BE MINE ~
Labels:
U meant everything to me but how can u just leave me this way ~
Siigniing off
takecare
Broken / shattered totally, nvr can it be mended back ever again ~
ForSaken~

2009-01-29T22:17:00.000-08:00

After wat we chat last night, i began to feel it from u, hope its a new beginning but i guess that nvr gonna be real ever. u shattered it straight infront of me.i have nth to say le. i dun know why am i ended up this way. haiix shall get used to it barh. i know u had ur own life to live so take care barh. i really lost everything i wanted in my future. my future is bleak. forget it ! it come and go and it alway been lydat.
WHY AM I ALWAY GETTING HURT ! HATE IT BUT HAVE NO CHOICE.
last thing to say i really love u, if u choose that way and u are happy, i shall not interfere in ur lives anymore. wat i promised to u, i will still do but to certain extent only. i guess u need him more than me. Take care
Labels:
crying over something that nvr seemed mine ~ T_T haiix
siigniing off
takecare
the one with shattered heart S/2
ForSaken~

2009-01-27T23:26:00.000-08:00

well, finally post something barh. recently found my airen already YEAH ! <33>well, airen u meant alot to me that y i did foolish things for u. wat done cant be undone but i believe it worth it becos u ARE THE ONE I LOVE
and airen like i told u, it take 2 hand to clap, so u need the other half to give in and compromise ur shortcomings so both can last in a relationship.
stop saying urself bad and see urself like a sinner, every1 make mistakes, so dun worry about that. every deserve a second chance. so do u, and wat i promise u i meant it. staying faithful to u and i love die u !
i say no matter wat u become or wat illness u have, i will alway be there for u, becos i love u. AIREN I HOPE U WILL GET WELL SOON. <33>LOVE DIE U, AI SI NI ~ no one else is better out there than u becos u are my one. Dun leave me k? <33
To: -Rachel and -Kouji
hope u guy can patch successful tmr ~ and last long, from forsaken deepest blessing ~
siigniing off
takecare
the one been left behind
ForSaken~

2008-12-26T08:08:00.000-08:00

cut short for today, reach home after tonning from milo house, slept through the whole day, then went down return uniform and got scolded like fck ! then after that, went bunking, actually want watch movie end up the others quarrels till nvr go, so bunking whole day, eaten 2 bar of choclate given by ah ma and tai ma then today smoke very fierce, ppl keep take from me till i finish T_T
then went home saw daniel at amk bus stop, went home on same bus. so tired T_T now blog abit and going rest soon.
to fcukers around who spam my fcking blog, u can take ur leave. my blog dun welcome u, thank alot and FCK off ! not happy, come out talk !
tat all for today
siigniing off
takecare
the one who left behind
ForSaken~

2008-12-22T07:24:00.000-08:00

Today, work all day, then half way, i go find silent and ash they all, spent time together slack la, smoke, play pool, then finally want go katong play basketball, end up got wushu training, so never play. then went slack at playground, haha, saw 4 policeman, all hiu lan sia. then keep smoke, police also never care. haha xD
To lynn
well, if u think u are happy this time, i feel happy for u too. take care and last long even though xmas is still long, 3 day away but i believe u can go through it barh. if i am the one who cause u to lose faith and trust in mens, then i am sorry, but no matter how, i believe u can get over it soon. take care.
Tat all for today
Siigning off
takecare
the one who been blamed all the times
ForSaken~

2008-12-20T19:17:00.000-08:00

Did not post ytd, becos kinda late, well, ytd after work, call that fucker nicotine, then meet with joey and all then all went home by bus at tpy, LOL then went home, then watch tv, then suddenly i still realise, i still miss her haiix, :( dunnoe wat to do also, now keep see-ing my brothers all 1 by 1 attached, i also feel happy for them i wonder when my turn, sometimes just really want someone who can embrace me too but its impossible becos i am the one who got left behind, the ForSaken. so cant even think of finding 1 anymore.
Tat All For Today.
Siigning off
take care
the one who been left behind
ForSaken~

2008-12-19T07:15:00.000-08:00

today, went tamp fetch amanda go her simei ite select her course, waste my time la ! then after that, thought she want pei me go bunk then end up go find yaoyao, i bwg -.- but i understand la, so dun blame her, so i went bunk, saw xiang and hanwei, so wished xiang happy birthdya, brought his cigg for him, then he treat me some haha xD so happy, at least today got cigg, then went bunking awhile, then go smoke, then follow hanwei go meet his stead. then went play basketball awhile, fucker keep eat me, make me hot nia. but nbm, after game, waiting him to come tio me end up he hum, nvr ask and go away. then took bus back pasir ris inter, took train back bunk, then saw my fcking ex ! intimating with her boyfriend, make me fcking dulan, then i walk away, but it seemed, i cant get rid of her shadow? everywhere i go she will be there. even my working place, she work above me ! ! ! !ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ~! ! ! ! ! sometimes i just wished i could get rid of her shadow? even though, she been with me 1 yr only, but i still love her alot, just cant get her out of my mind, afterall we had alot of memories. haiix, today it recaps and i nearly broke down again. but this time, i controlled it back becos, infront of my brothers, i dun really want them see me this way. i really cant control anymore and now right infront of my com, i confess, i still love her, but its not possible already. all i can do, is just wish she would be happier with her guy and her guy treat her good. HAIIX ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Labels: Hiding behind these empty smiles ~
Tat all for today
siigniing off
takecare
the one who been left alone and dun deserved to be loved
ForSaken~

2008-12-18T07:05:00.001-08:00

today, last min need o work, so i went , have fun though today sales not that good, LOL stupid manager make me counted and separate signals papers, dunnoe thousand of thems, counted till faint, then finally finish work, went wait bus, wait 35 mins also dun haf 1 fucking fucked up, so take 57 back bishan and go home from bishan. just reach home, so blog about it, going sleep soon, tmr still have work.
tat all for today
siigniing off
takecare
the one u left behind and remembering our past
ForSaken~

2008-12-17T04:44:00.000-08:00

nth to do, finally back to posting after so long, done with my "thing" so back already, people sorry did not post earlier. today, changed my skin thank to my friend. i really like it alot and its seem better. nth to do whole day stuck home rest, then father know i smoke ma, no cigg so took his cigg and he went down and buy me cigg ~ WHOA ! so happy, then nth to do, hoping i will go work soon. anyway, that for all i guess. gonna listen music and relac ^^
by the way, hope u enjoy this nice piece of music.
That all
siigning off
takecare
the one u left behind
ForSaken~

2008-11-26T09:47:00.000-08:00

nothing much happen, just work and work for me right now. nothing to care about also. thank eileen and jun long and jeff and darren pei me today whole day at bunk rest. and air junn also for treating me play bunk today. thanks alot guys. i think i am used to my old life? being forsaked and mei ren ai and mei ren yao.
To: that special someone
something serious to tell u, i not sure whether its will affect u or not, but somehow, things dun goes the way we wanted, somemore, its been like this for the past months? i dun really mind ppl asking whether my gf is lynn or not, but its like i cant stand the pressure between us? there is alot of differences. u should know urself, and i dn think i suit u or simple wo bu pei.
the gap between seemed big and widdening, for ur info, not i hong or outside got other gf, or timer u. its just somehow i feel the pressure and differences is really too big and wide for me to handle, when i know i truely love u, i can overcome this problem but, now i dun have the strenght to continue.
i am sorry ~ may i bless u to find a better and good one. i am sorry baby, i truely love u
when i thought things will turn for the better since the day we got tgt but, its doesn't but instead it got worse. i am sorry. forgive me. but u choose to hate me, i also got nothing to say. its been a happy memories for me for the past weeks. lastly, i am sorry ~

Labels:
truely sorry when i truely love u.
Siigning off
takecare
withpain
ForSaken

2008-11-23T07:49:00.001-08:00

nth to write much these days, just got back from tonning and all. things are finally getting better at home, but its still as cold. hope thing will be better any sooner.
Leave out the rest ~
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cares
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving?
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons
to be missed And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Don't be afraid I've taken my beating
I've shed but I'm me
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons
to be missed Don't resent me And
when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me
From myself I can't be
who you are
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me
From myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

labels:
things are better, i am glad. Missing That Someone Alot <3
Siigniing off
Takecare
Withpain/sorrow
ForSaken

2008-11-20T22:24:00.000-08:00

did not post ytd, so sian, went bunk, slack around, then did not do much thing, just walking lor, but then today, got billy bbq at pasir ris, i nvr go, cos very sian, + ton there, sure got sparring training de, so i dun want. ^^
fuck man, these day really no very good, family drifting, and other prob, but now at least got bunkers and some other friends, i am lucky though. then, now i be going bunk again. hope today got show watched? LOL
To those fucker who keep like spam my blog, kindly fuck off thank u. unknown when did i say i go red house for stay 3 day 2 night with consent form? i did not even go to red house b4, zzz, and ivanmomdie, my mom passed away already so? respect the dead can, + hor, i hongster, i flirt u huan lo so much? but nbm, i take u as small. and hurt, i dun know and dun care who the fuck are u? by hor, write there like a dog using hurt this name, to me, u are just a barking dog la. btw, dun need to know who u are, becos, i dun see dogs !

label:
when will everything end? Fuck OFF !
Siigning off
takecare
withpain
ForSaken

2008-11-19T07:13:00.001-08:00

Today, so much things happen, still having cold war with father, went bunk slack around, make alot new friends, then got prob, but nothing le. FUCK MAN ! today so many taiji, i really sibei sian le. just wished dec 7 faster come so i will not need to suffer so much, everday seemed dragging when i am like so free, fuck ! just hope, dec 7 faster come, sorry to those who ask me not to think so much but i cant ! i cant drag on like this, its a torture to people around me. haiix :(
Saw my dearest, miyuli today, when she was disturbing jia ming, lol, today so many people do so manyy lan jia0 thing, fuck police screen us ! knn ! but nothing happen so nbm went home with leen, nick, samuel and panda, LOL all stay near me haha xD good lor, next time go out can go with them ^^ recently, all those bunkers getting in all ginnas, and all start having probation and all. well, maybe next time i go bunk, got show again ^^ i be sure i be eating popcorn and drinking large coke LOL
tat all for tonight

label:
Fucking disappointed with life and hate it !
Siigning off
takecare
withpain/sorrows
ForSaken

2008-11-18T06:55:00.000-08:00

today, went out meet junie jie and ahhui, btw, junie is very the chio sia ! say she buang, cheat my feeling only ! then saw junjie and ivan LOL then saw 1 maojie or something, then went bunk, today got taiji at bunk so fierce, lucky i was standing at side watching. haha xD then pei junie diao ps till 8 + then saw kaldo and billy, then went with them slack around and went home le. junie they all ps me, go marina hotel, nvr tell me T_t but nbm.
tat all for today i guess, tmr need work so tired. T_T anyway meet u guys soon, and i guess i am coming back to bunk le. meet me if u want, but must let me know when ^^
that all for today

label:
not fit to be ur son becos i lost faith in u !
Siigning off
takecare
withpain/sorrows.
ForSaken

2008-11-17T08:16:00.000-08:00

posted after 12 cos i dun like 17th de thing during the day.
First:
HAPPY 3RD MONTH jamie precious ^^
second:
Junie jie hope u will cheer up and stay strong, and i will make louis leg both casted if i see him.
third:
Thanks cass for pei me today at basketball court there ^^
Fourth:
thank qien and all who linked me and intro nice songs.
Fifth:
germaine if u want just jio only cos, he is quite handsome, where like me world top buangster leh !
Last but not least:
Baby ! i miss and love u <3>

label:
not even worth to be ur son afterall. lost faith in u
Siigning off
takecare
With Pain and Scars left behind
ForSaken/ DisownedSaken

2008-11-16T03:04:00.000-08:00

here my 2nd post since this morning recreated blog, well, nth much happen, had a good chat with someone till early morning 6.30am and she still dun want go slp, keep cry and cry, but its okay, she feel better after that, well, i am glad i am of any help to her.
afternoon went sk play basketball with brothers and his friends. then brother injured his leg, LOL so careless but its okay, he will recover, then at cpp, saw my friend, walking baack to her shop, tried to call her but scare she paiseh so nvr call. HAHA xD
reach home, done housework, so tired and sit infront of the com. nth to do, waiting for that someone, becos i miss her alot ! well, i will let time pass to be as a proof, my love for her will stand. she is my last love. i love u, but do i stand a chance? dun think so, but no matter how, i want u know, i am here for u whenever u need me.
Edited post:
well, FUCK U dad ! dun keep say this kind of things can? hurt me fucking deep. disowned this word fun to say ar? u want disowned me and kor, do wat u want la ! i dun care liao. afterall u say u finished ur duty getting em through my O lvl, now want go back thailand, GO LA ! think me as ur er zi dun wished to get u all the good things. now u say dun want me and kor, think la ! I HATE U ! for saying all those fucking hurting words. darn it ! i HATE IT dun involve me in ur things with kor. i am not ur mediator ! FUCK OFF !
label:
Do I Even Stand A Chance? Or Am I Just A Passerby Tat Helps U Along Urs Way?
edited label:
I AM JUST A USELESS SON IN UR EYES AFTERALL !
Siigning off
takecare
withpain
ForSaken

2008-11-15T11:03:00.000-08:00

Finally, back to blogging after 1 month + of stopping, recr8 new blog, start off with a new skin, and i love it very much. The music behind suit the whole blog too. ^^ hope u guys enjoy it ^^
btw, those who wished to be linked, dropped me a tagg and i will ^^ sorry for those who i nvr linked.
Been away from audi past 3 weeks, and i realise, rumours nvr stopped spreading even if i were to stop that game. HATE IT ! man, what must i do to stop u people mouth saying i am whatever u say i am? must i really die then u happy? i really lost of my direction and all, i am lost ! cant do things or get things right. is this the coming of me, the once greatly hailed, forsaken. is this my end for admitting and acceding to all of urs request? MUST I REALLY DIE THEN U SATISFIED? you ask urself, wat u guys actually want from me? if u want my live, just say and i will gif u. dun have to do all these stupid things to hurt me times and times again.
and as for nuren, I dun know if i am able to move on, but now i wished u last long with him and i hope he will be ur last one.
Moving on, i dunnoe what am i now afterall, u guys make me into something which i am not. i am not blaming u guys for that, but pls, at least stop SPREADING ! i CANT STAND IT anymore !
right now, if u guys were to blame me for anything and everything, GO AHEAD ! i take every blames. ok? fine with u guys? Still not happy, come out talk or leave ur FCKING big names behind.
Today, started my new blog, i ask u keenly, listen to my blog song and ENJOY ~
that all for today
siigniing off
takecare
withpain
ForSaken~